Before the End
Well, I thought I should probably start my blog before the end. I mean, the end of everything, cuz man, you know its comin’. You should try to fit in as much as you can before the inevitable end. Although, I would suggest not being any more of a catalyst of the apocalypse than absolutely neccessary. So, follow these simple rules/tongue-in-cheek suggestions and perhaps the all-consuming inferno will find you a content well-mannered individual and not a stark raving loony.
1: Do not succumb to the temptation of divine ignorance. Example- "I’m Joey Average and I love TV. Don’t care whats shining through the screen as long as its fast, loud, and completely devoid of content. Empty. In fact, I want my politics the same way. Little bits of flaming controversy which have no impact whatsoever. These tiny sparks singe my skin so maybe I’ll be better prepared for when the terrorists finally decide to bomb the midwest. Jesus is my savior because it feels safer than confronting either myself or the nigh infinite possibilities surrounding my mushy little brain."
2: Do not try too hard to come up with an answer. Shoot from the hip. If you hit the target thats great, if not, be prepared to pull the trigger again.
3: Be wary of surrounding yourself with the stagnant. By stagnant, I meam those who have successfully buried themselves in the rubble of toppled grand ideas and thus can no longer move about freely. Like a vine, stagnancy grows and binds whatever it comes in contact with. Carry a shovel and some tweezers just in case.
4: Sing, dance, and make a merry ruckus. (along these lines, do not model your singing, dancing, or ruckus from religious programming on the television. oh, or any type of talent search reality show. or really, anything from the TV, except maybe some documentary about aboriginal peoples. Those guys got the singing, dancing, and ruckus goin’ on. Ut!)
5: Its ok to be pissed off at the world. Just don’t piss on yourself. Or anyone else. Or animals.
6: Its ok to really like the world. Just be sure to take off your beer goggles before hopping in the sack with it. And wear a condom. And a dental dam. And be sure to clean up afterward.
7: Do not read or create lists. They are the ultimate downfall of humanity. Measuring, gauging, ranking, and partitioning all that we have so that our opinions, decisions, and ideals are laid out in an unavoidably attractive template. Beware.
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July 26th, 2005 at 10:00 am
I think you and Michel Foucault would have a lot to talk about. He says that classifications/categorizations/taxonomies/lists all seek to establish power. And I think he was a proponent of the dental dam (although in his time it was actually made of a dam-like concrete mixture that made it quite unwieldy and uncomfortable for all parties involved)