House of Chubbs

this is actually a treatment for Marvel Comics character Ghost Rider that I’ve been working up for a while… i use the word "treatment" when in fact i mean "fan-fiction". Ut!

Manhattan 1903: There was a penny in the gutter. A dirty little hand reached down to pick it out. The penny joined others in the pocket of Ellory Schapf, a nine year old girl dressed in a shirt that had once belonged to her father and may have been a shade of blue before she was born and an apple cap that fell bellow her brow. Her eyes bounced from face to face in the bustling street and was more than once met with the tip of a hat and a nod before she made it to VanHostle’s Butcher Shop and Candy Store. She saw her own reflection in the glass of the window before peering into the store and being overtaken by the sight of the colorful posters and adboards, most of which were for confections that she had never been given the chance to try.

After nearly five minutes, and some sales effort on the part of Mr. VanHostle, Ellory was back on the street, this time with a piece of pink hard candy in her newly clean hand (which Mr. VanHostle had wiped off, free of charge). Ellory smelled the candy first and then laid it gently on her tongue. She was happier than she had been in what seemed like forever, but in reality, her father had only died three weeks earlier. Ellory enjoyed herself for a moment, her eyes closed, and her hands folded in front of her. She was jostled from behind. A giant of a man toppled and in his attempt to keep from meeting the pavement he swatted the air and caught the brim of Ellory’s hat, flipped it skyward and unleashed the tangle of red curls beneath. It wasn’t long before Ellory herself was pushed to the ground. A young man, no more than twelve, was fighting his way through the crowd. He had nearly hit a full-on run by the time he had bumped the little girl, whose candy had slid down her throat upon impact. Struggling to breathe, Ellory caught the shirt tail of the young man who had run into her. He stopped and attempted to pry the little fingers from the back of his shirt. He grunted in frustration and tossed her aside. Ellory gave a gasp and a cough as a pink bullet flew from her mouth and landed in the sandy blond hair on the back of the boy’s head as he continued down the sidewalk.

Ellory was colorless and cold as she sat with her back against the brick exterior of VanHostle’s store. She cried for that sweet chunk stuck in the hair of the only  person she truly hated other than the man that stabbed her father in his sleep. She knew the names of neither person, but it didn’t matter, a face was enough as she imagined someone doing unto them as they had done to her and her father.

Well, I thought I should probably start my blog before the end. I mean, the end of everything, cuz man, you know its comin’. You should try to fit in as much as you can before the inevitable end. Although, I would suggest not being any more of a catalyst of the apocalypse than absolutely neccessary. So, follow these simple rules/tongue-in-cheek suggestions and perhaps the all-consuming inferno will find you a content well-mannered individual and not a stark raving loony.

1: Do not succumb to the temptation of divine ignorance. Example- "I’m Joey Average and I love TV. Don’t care whats shining through the screen as long as its fast, loud, and completely devoid of content. Empty. In fact, I want my politics the same way. Little bits of flaming controversy which have no impact whatsoever. These tiny sparks singe my skin so maybe I’ll be better prepared for when the terrorists finally decide to bomb the midwest. Jesus is my savior because it feels safer than confronting either myself or the nigh infinite possibilities surrounding my mushy little brain."

2: Do not try too hard to come up with an answer. Shoot from the hip. If you hit the target thats great, if not, be prepared to pull the trigger again.

3: Be wary of surrounding yourself with the stagnant. By stagnant, I meam those who have successfully buried themselves in the rubble of toppled grand ideas and thus can no longer move about freely. Like a vine, stagnancy grows and binds whatever it comes in contact with. Carry a shovel and some tweezers just in case.

4: Sing, dance, and make a merry ruckus. (along these lines, do not model your singing, dancing, or ruckus from religious programming on the television. oh, or any type of talent search reality show. or really, anything from the TV, except maybe some documentary about aboriginal peoples. Those guys got the singing, dancing, and ruckus goin’ on. Ut!)

5: Its ok to be pissed off at the world. Just don’t piss on yourself. Or anyone else. Or animals.

6: Its ok to really like the world. Just be sure to take off your beer goggles before hopping in the sack with it. And wear a condom. And a dental dam. And be sure to clean up afterward.

7: Do not read or create lists. They are the ultimate downfall of humanity. Measuring, gauging, ranking, and partitioning all that we have so that our opinions, decisions, and ideals are laid out in an unavoidably attractive template. Beware.

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